So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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