he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
