If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
