you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
