how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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