so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
