So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
