You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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