bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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