MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
