Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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