if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
