Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
