Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
