Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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