Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
