I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
