I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
