I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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