Quick, to the slutcave!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
