you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
