I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
