dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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