I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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