she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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