dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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