We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
