Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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