so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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