No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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