dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
