What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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