would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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