So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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