why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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