so that wasnt chicken after all
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
