Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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