wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this just has baby written all over it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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