Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(775): View more from Nevada

i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

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(360): View more from Washington

The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

so today I found out that she used to be a he....

(1-931): View more from Tennessee

are you gonna get a divorce?

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(214): View more from Texas

I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover

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(619): View more from California

Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

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(914): View more from New York

There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do

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(708): View more from Illinois

The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman

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(952): View more from Minnesota

It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.

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