We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
