Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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