paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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