Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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