explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
