i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
