You just made me feel so damn special
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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