I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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