Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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