I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
