Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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